


On the Job Train-wreck-ing

by AlabasterMoonbeam



Series: Plus Size Sara Ryder [4]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Anger, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I like this though, Jaal needs to get himself together, Ryder needs to just say what she means, Spoilers, Therapy, miscommunications, plus size, seriously, smut?, spoilers kinda?, these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 03:23:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10778511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlabasterMoonbeam/pseuds/AlabasterMoonbeam
Summary: Making difficult decisions often means hurting someone.  Sara hurts Jaal, Jaal lashes out, Jaal gets shot, Sara gets drunk, the crew gets annoyed.





	On the Job Train-wreck-ing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SeachelleN7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeachelleN7/gifts), [BrowncoatN7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrowncoatN7/gifts).



> So, I was going to head into some serious smut, but then I thought, why? Plenty of time for that! Let's be in serious angsty pain instead! So here you go! Angst!
> 
> Covers everything from rescuing the Moshae to Jaal/Akksul issues. Minimal combat, primarily emotional train wrecking. Gifted to these two, because you two have liked since the beginning. I am sure there are more and more will be gifted to others!
> 
> Also LONG WORK IS LONG

“Sam, prepare to overload the EM shield. But wait for my go.”  
Jaal couldn’t believe it; she went against his express wishes. He could barely stand to look at her, even as she spoke kindly with the Moshae on the Tempest. He was furious and heartsore and… wanted to break everything around him. As Sara and Moshae Sjefa finished their conversation, he left, going back to the techlab. He expected Sara to come barging in, demanding the next step or expecting him to help her, but instead she left him alone. He sat, staring at nothing, unable to comprehend the horrors of the kett facility. Not only were the Chosen Kett actually angara, and not only had they been killing their own people all along, but Sara had authorized the wholesale slaughter of his people, falling in line with the Moshae even as he begged her not to.  
He’d stayed in the techlab late, until everyone-even Drack and Liam-had gone to sleep, before leaving and heading for the galley. He wanted a drink, something warm, to calm his nerves. There was a faint glow coming from Ryder’s quarters, making Jaal slow his pace. That was when he heard the wracking sobs, mostly muted by the door, and SAM’s voice.  
“Pathfinder, you made a choice, it was not easy but it was necessary. Your father would be proud.” Judging by the heaving sobs, this wasn’t a helpful thing to say, Jaal thought.  
“Please, Ryder, you’ll make yourself sick. Should I call for Lexi? Or perhaps Jaal?” Jaal recoiled at the thought of comforting her after what she had done. Then he heard her sharp, “No!” just as quickly. No? His brow furrowed as he listened, the sound becoming slightly less muffled.  
“No, SAM, not Jaal. Not Jaal…” He went into the galley, determined not to feel pity or sympathy or compassion for her.

Sara was on the floor, half collapsed in a foetal position, half leaning against a wall. She thought she was going to throw up, her choking sobs causing her stomach to convulse violently. Today was awful, probably her worst attempt at being pathfinder. She’d earned the Moshae’s trust and respect, but at what cost? What if it had been humans who were being held captive? Still, she thought, sitting up more as her sobs became less frequent, she knew it she’d made the only choice she could have, even if it cost her Jaal. Wiping her eyes, she pushed her way to standing, taking a moment to lean against the door before opening it. She slowly, carefully made her way to the galley to make some tea, noticing too late that there was someone already in there.

Jaal stared at her. Arms crossed over her breasts pushing them up invitingly, fingers biting into the flesh of her upper arms, she blinked in the brighter lights of the galley. As recognition dawned on Sara, her eyes met his before dropping. She quickly turned to the sink, filling the kettle to prepare tea. Her eyes had been red-rimmed, her lips dry. Jaal sat, torn between his emotions. Part of him wanted to go to her, to comfort her and take comfort in her. Angara grieved and soothed as a community, no one person left to their pain alone. But how could he embrace her, after her decision? How she could have destroyed so many lives was beyond--  
“Jaal,” Sara broke into his thoughts, speaking into her mug, “I want to tell you why, if you’ll let me.” She paused, giving him the opportunity to stop her, to tell her that he didn’t care what her reasoning was, but he didn’t. His voice wouldn’t work, so she pressed on.  
“I know that this may not make any sense to you, but I hope it does. After everything that Moshae Sjefa has been through, after all the pain, the torture they forced on her, when she asked me to destroy the facility… I couldn’t deny her that. I couldn’t…” She trailed off, finally looking at him. Her eyes made it clear that she was pleading with him to understand, if not forgive. He sighed, stood, and looked at her. “Pathfinder,” she flinched under the use of her title, “I’m… not happy with us right now. But, thank you, for telling me.”

Jaal avoided Sara, even as Moshae Sjefa chastised him for pushing her away. Nevertheless, she asked him to help find Akksul, comforted him when Thaldyr died, and came to him for help when it became clear the Roekaar were targeting Podromos. Still, Jaal kept her at arms length, unsure how to talk to her again. He missed her, the way she felt as she sat next to him, soft body pressed near his, the look that used to be in her eye when she thought he wasn’t paying attention, her laugh as she explained some new idiom. But she had curled into herself: spending more time in silent thought than she did with him. He often found her in the company of Vetra, and increasingly with Liam. That annoyed him. Sara should know that Liam wasn’t the man for her. Jaal had finally decided that he must reconnect with her when his mothers contacted him, forcing him to lay aside his initial plans to flirt with Sara and instead focus on his siblings.

Sara wasn’t sure how Jaal felt about her anymore. Each time they were in the Nomad with Vetra he was making some comment about how well she moved in battle, if Cora was there he made it clear that she was an incredible asset to the team. Peebee was making eyes at him, and he was beginning to make eyes back at her. Hell, Suvi was probably receiving compliments as well. So Sara simply pulled back into herself. She began to cover her body in baggier clothes and waiting to take her armor off until at very least Jaal went away. She felt that she needed as many extra layers as possible to keep herself safe from him. No--that wasn’t quite right. She trusted Jaal, knew he would never attack her, but she also cared for him. Her desire to shield herself from him was less that she wanted to be away from him and more that she couldn’t handle it if he connected with her again just to break that bond once more. Initially, she had done what she had always done back in the Milky Way: isolate herself and submit to the sorrow. But SAM intervened. He’d called Lexi, who had sat and made Sara talk. She’d helped with the survivor’s guilt Sara felt. He’d also had Vetra check on Sara, helping solidify that friendship even further. And so, bit by bit, Sara had persisted in her duties. Until she received Jaal’s email.

He was still talking to his mothers when she entered, but it didn’t matter, he was going to need her help. Jaal knew that asking for her help, after how he had treated her, after how he’d worked to show her how unimportant she was, was something he didn’t deserve to do, but he had to anyway. He explained quickly, his voice breaking.  
“Ryder, he has my family, but I don’t think I can do this alone.” He knew he didn’t have the right to ask her, and was relieved by her answer.  
“You don’t have to. Just tell me the time and place.”  
“No hesitation. That is what I love about you.” Oops, that wasn’t something he meant to say aloud. Jaal looked into her eyes and saw the surprise mingled with hope. He didn’t take it back, but pressed on, explaining his plan.

Sara couldn’t remember much about that moment, except the sinking certainty as she watched Akksul shoot Jaal that she had just lost the one being in the entire universe that she might ever have truly loved. And then it turned out that Akksul had missed, the shot going slightly wide, skimming across Jaal’s cheek, and in that moment the Roekaar and Akksul became lost causes. She was so relieved to see Jaal living she forgot, momentarily, that he hated her. Or loved her, but not the way she wished. Or maybe he just loved her in the same way that everyone else did: as a symbol. She had hugged him, wanting to cling to him and run her fingers over every inch of him to ensure he was real, but he had walked away. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, things would be better between them now, she found him on the Tempest.  
“How’s the face wound?” Sara asked, pleased with how casual her voice sounded.  
“I think my scar will be impressive,” Jaal smiled at her.  
“Now you’re going to look even more badass,” Sara complimented him, and shared his smile.  
“And more appealing to our female friends?” Her heart sank. She didn’t realize how much she was hoping that he would only want to appeal to her. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she replied, “No doubt. Look at all the dates Drack gets.” She almost didn’t sound disappointed.  
“Can you stay and talk some more?” Jaal chuckled, then looked surprised as she beat a hasty retreat.  
“Uh, no, sorry Jaal…” She turned and nearly ran to Liam’s quarters.

Jaal was up early, digging through some crates for materials to continue an idea he’d had. He was feeling good about Sara, that they were maybe connecting again. Things seemed to be back on course, and he was hoping to keep it that way. After she had trusted his judgment with Akksul, he was thinking maybe he should have trusted her more at the kett facility. It still hurt, but he had been talking with his True Mother and understood better why the Moshae had needed that recourse. He had just let the lid of a crate drop into place when he heard an annoyed groan on the other side of Liam’s door. Thinking he must have awakened his friend, he called out, “My apologies, but wake up and let me talk with you!” The door hissed open, and turning Jaal saw something that made him stop dead.

Sara had woken up in Liam’s room, under a ratty blanket, sprawled on the couch. There was banging out in the cargo area and her mouth felt like the pyjak had shat in it and tasted about the same. Groaning, she sat up and knew she needed coffee. Looking for Liam, she wasn’t surprised to see him still conked out on the floor, one arm under his head, the other over his eyes, looking remarkably like Scott in some ways. Seeing the whiskey bottle and the two cups, Sara knew she hadn’t made a great choice in drinking with Liam, but it was better than drinking alone, or worse, with Peebee. There was an even louder bang, and this time she and Liam both groaned. Everything was too...much. Jaal still wasn’t interested in her and because binge drinking was suuuch a great idea, she was hung over to boot. Shrugging out of her sweatshirt, Sara looked down at the tank top she was wearing. It was one of her favorites, soft and with a great cut. It skimmed over her curves making her look more alluring than chunky. Plus, it was almost the exact same color as Jaal. That had been the best part of it, when Vetra had shown up with a box of clothes for her. Many, if not all, of them had complemented Jaal’s coloring as well as her own. Leaving her sweatshirt on Liam’s couch, Sara stretched and made her way to the door.

Jaal looked at Sara. Had she been… with Liam? Why was she in a thin tank top? Her hair was messy, her eyes tired, and she looked… sore. The door hissed shut behind Sara before opening again to reveal Liam with her sweatshirt in his hands. The three of them just stood there, stunned, before Drack broke the silence with a laugh.  
“Meet me in the galley, kid, I got a cure for ya in there,” the old krogan intoned. Startled into action, Sara skirted away from Jaal and Liam, leaving her sweatshirt in Liam’s hands. After he watched her out of sight, Jaal turned his glare on Liam.  
“So,” Jaal began, “what did you call them… one night stands?” He was trying to stay calm but his hands were shaking.  
“Wha-?” Liam looked horrified, “Nah, mate, we just had drinks. Too many, by the looks of this bottle,” Liam was going back into his room, beckoning Jaal to join him.  
“You were… drinking?” Jaal was trying not to throttle Liam. They were friends, he liked Liam. Killing him would not be wise.  
“Yeah. I think it was the comment about being more attractive to all the ladies that made her spaz out a bit.” Liam began making instant coffee for himself. That stopped Jaal short. That comment, he’d meant that he hoped Sara would think he was more attractive. How had she missed that?  
“Liam,” Jaal hurried to the door, “I’m going to need your help with something, can you grab Sara’s armor and meet me in the techlab?” Not waiting for an answer, Jaal hurried to the medbay to recruit Lexi’s help, too.

Sara was in the galley, drinking a strange concoction Drack made and eating breakfast. She sat, looking at the meal, feeling better than she had in weeks and not daring to ask Drack what was in the drink. She didn’t feel hungover any longer.  
“So, kid,” Drack turned to her, “that was quite the bender last night. Wanna talk about it?”  
“Oh, Drack, what’s there to talk about? I thought…” Sara’s voice trailed off, “I guess I thought that we were going to be friends again, maybe pick up where we left off. But he made it clear that he isn’t interested.”  
“Kid, you’re an idiot.” Drack laughed at Sara’s injured perplexion. “Didn’t you see how jealous he was? I thought he was going to tackle Liam before I cut in. Maybe you two should, ya know, actually talk to each other. Say what you mean, not hope that the other gets what you might be saying. But start by taking a shower and brushing your teeth.”  
Sara put her dishes in the sink and rinsed them. Then she did exactly what Drack suggested, it was amazing how much more civilized she felt after a wash and brushing. She was still in her robe when there was a knock at her door.  
Somehow she wasn’t surprised that Jaal was on the other side of the door. She looked at him, her robe slipping open to reveal more of her skin, before she turned and let him in.

Jaal followed her, drinking in every detail. Her hair was still damp and glistened in the light. The robe was soft and semi-translucent, gifting Jaal with a delicate outline of Sara’s rounded thighs, curving stomach, and full breasts. Taking a deep breath, Jaal set down a package he’d been carrying. Looking at it, Sara opened her mouth but Jaal cut in.  
“Sara, yesterday, when you said I looked more badass with my scar, I meant--” He stuttered for a moment, “I want to be more appealing to you. You are strange and lovely and interesting, and I was wrong. To hold you so far away from me, after you rescued the Moshae.”  
“We. We rescued her.” She said quietly, before turning her gaze from the package to Jaal. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”  
There was silence for a moment, then Jaal knelt in front of Sara, grasping the package, “This is for you. I had some help, but...I wanted you to have something special. Something personal. Will you see if it fits?”

Opening the package, Sara gasped in surprise. Her original armor was cobbled together, trying to patch bits and pieces into a workable set that actually fit her. This, on the other hand, was beautiful. Looking at the armor, she saw the level of detail and craftsmanship.  
“You...made this? For me?” her voice sounded breathy and faint, and she colored in embarrassment.  
“Yes,” Jaal stood and looked at the far wall, “will you try it on? I’d like to make any adjustments.”  
Sara understood that he wasn’t leaving. He wanted to be in her room when she changed. Taking the armor to her bed, she grabbed a set of panties and a bra. If she were in a romance novel they would be perfectly matching and cute, but she wasn’t so they were clean and functional. Dropping her robe on the bed, Sara shimmied into her underclothes. Pulling on her under armor, she began to fit the pieces together.

Jaal had his back to her, but could see her reflection in the glass of the window. He watched as her robe slid off of her body, revealing her soft, curvy body. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched her form move sensually, his groin tightening with arousal. Feeling absurd, Jaal looked down, refocusing his thoughts away from her nude form. 

“Ok, wanna see?” Sara felt like a bizarre prom queen, showing off her beautiful gown to her date. Except her dress was created by the alien standing in front of her and it wasn’t a dress at all. The armor was beautiful, soft, and moved with her body. Around her neck there was the same silky fabric that made up Jaal’s rofjinn, but in a deep amethyst. As Jaal turned around he took out his firaan, striding toward her and slicing across her body. There wasn’t a scratch on the armor, and as Jaal thrust to stab at her chest, the firaan simply skittered over the armor and to the side, not marring the beauty or the strength of his craftsmanship. Satisfied with that, Jaal looked at her appraisingly.  
“Does the fit seem right? No pinching or anything?” He was concerned, turning her to look at every aspect of the armor, and the woman beneath it.  
“It’s beautiful, strong, and, Jaal, it’s like wearing a second skin! It’s so comfortable.” Sara sounded amazed, looking at the detailed tooling and design. “Thank you, Jaal. How can I ever repay you?”  
Jaal looked affronted at that, “I did not make this for you to make you pay. I have seen how you struggle with armor, that nothing ever fits the way you seem to want it. This is a gift, much like knowing you, having you in my life, is a gift. Sara, you are someone who is worth everything. I’m sorry I did not tell you that sooner.”

It was quiet, the whole ship listening. Each crew member sighed with relief when they heard the kiss. It was about damn time.


End file.
